Looking forward to 2012
2012 has been the focus of this project for so long that turning over a new leaf into this year carries an sense of unlikely fatalism. Now we are here, what then? There are many plans but I expected to be more sure, I expected to know everything. I expected to be ready. Of course that is not quite the reality. I am clear about what needs to happen and have many lists and emaisl to send but the feeling of certainty has not arrived. However I am more philosophical and more determined. This project is an experiment. Have I convinced the world its vitally important? - No. Am I convinced its woth doing? - Yes.
The road less travelled can test your nerve. Many times I have wanted to stop, to turn back and quit because there have been obstacles and challenges, too many to name. I don't even know the destination, just the road and some of the signposts. For a complex range of reasons I can't stop now. I have devoted five years of my life to developing this project, using the story as a social filter and allowing the structure to mutate, in order to ask questions about life and art - as pretentious as that is. I am often embarassed but I created the timeframe and I can't let other people down. People have trusted me and invested their time and effort. I am still not quite clear where its going but know deep in my heart that this is not the time to abandon the creative process. I won't know until its too late whether it has succeeded or not. Until then I have to give myself over to this strange road, marking my way and enjoying the journey.
BiDiNG TiME is ambitious, it moves in mysterious ways and there have been many unlikely twists and turns. I am both servant and mistress, driving and being driven. 2012 is the beginning of the end and there are some hurdles to leap over before I can let it go. This process is nerve wracking, but important events are. Its also liberating to finally be here, standing on another precipice ready to jump. Bring it on. No matter what happens, I am certain its a road worth walking as it has enabled me to take a good hard look at the world around me and myself.
